How are you feeling right now?

Try growing up with an English teacher. I used to explain to the poor cashiers in the checkout lanes when I was a kid that it was supposed to be "10 items or fewer", not "10 items or less". It took them 8 years to convince me that A: it wasn't their fault, and B: nobody else cared.

My father was an English major. Needless to say, when we got to the States, he made sure I learned English well.

needle-ified. >_<

In pain. I haven't been able to move properly for the past three days, and during the night, I have to use voice control to use my computer. I'm just glad it recognizes my voice well enough.

What's preventing you from moving properly?

That's the thing, I have no idea what's wrong. I've had to take a few tablets recently, and one of them is a controlled drug, but I don't think it's a side affect from those.

But it worries me. I don't know what's wrong. I just want to know what it is. : :

Tell me about it, I know the feeling from this chest thing.

Hm, the drug is a necessity?

Yes, it is.

Whenever I take the drugs, about 5-10 minutes later I end up with a throbbing pain in my arms, and my left leg goes numb, whilst my right leg does what my arms do. They end up swelling right up and going bright red. I can still move my arms around, though I prefer not to, but it's as if I have no control over my legs.

I had an operation shortly after I went to court, and I've had to take some drugs since then, but they've changed them recently. I'm not sure if that means anything, but still, it worries me, and I don't want it to get any worse than it is now. There are a few more drugs I've started taking too, which makes it just that much more confusing.

Hm, possibly an interaction with...ahem...aqueous substances of mirth and glee?

Err, I'm not following. : :

What I would do is take one med away at a time, (only for a few hours) and see if that is causing the symptoms. Then, once you know which one, look it up online to see if the symptome are harmless or if they are a precursor to something else. If its not the meds, I would seriously hurry to a doctor. Please feel better soon.

I went on #create today for the first time in about 70 days. Only 2 people acknowledged me and they weren't exactly talkative. I don't know if I'm reading too much into it, being overly sensitive or something, but the entire situation was very awkward. I left after a few minutes of awkward conversation and I don't know if I would feel comfortable going back. It kinda depresses me.

see, my way around that is just wait for a few second until you know what the convo is about, then find something to contribute that isn't in your favor IE "I totally fail all the time. lol."

Probably they just were wondering if delphy would be an asshat as usual.

I know thats how I feel in #create too. I never, ever use it. But we love you here and as you know, that is all that matters.

Agreed.

This is how I feel right now.. I know my English is bad..

...

The dark night is falling over me
while I try to tell the moon that I'm here
isn't there any chance to live?
isn't there any chance to dream?

I can't fix the past
I can't fix what I did.. and it lasts
Death follows my soul
and I can't escape and find a hole

Why is this abyss swallowing me?
Why is the world trying to kill me?
Why is life tearing off each piece of heart that didn't die before?
Why are my dreams trying to tell me that I will never kill this sore?

And I rest here.. dying
And I feel like I could never stop crying
And I know that nothing will change
And I know that this is the end

Nina, that really good and I don't think there was anything wrong with it but i wish you would feel better. *hugs*

I have read your poem and I know that kind of darkness. I may not know what caused your pain, but I have had my own dealings with a similar one. *hugs Nina*

You cannot fix your past, but you can fix your future. Horrible mistakes teach you what not to do next time, and can make you a bit more compassionate toward other people who make mistakes. The next time you discover that you need to forgive someone else, remember what someone else has needed to forgive you. (Whether or not it -does- get forgiven is a different story; the point is that you would -like- it to be forgiven.)

You are a good and beautiful person, and there are people who care about you. Don't let anything make you forget about that. Everybody is flawed in some way, but it is our flaws that make us human.

Ghost you put that both beautifully and perfectly.

awwww thanks for reading it and replying.. *huggles*

*huggles Nina*

Please feel better soon.

*silently hugs nina*

I'm feeling totally overwhelmed.

I feel kinda bloated right now. I think I need to go use the bathroom.

PS. I am now 300 lbs. I was 325 in June. I feel great about that, but I still need to go potty

I'm rather sad at the moment, but that's not really all that unusual for me.

25 lbs is no small loss!

Hug for you.