Men Jokes-TeeHee

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Men Jokes-TeeHee

Post by Vampire_of_Death on October 16th 2009, 10:32 am

Come on girls, you all know we like to mock the ones we love most...most of the time.

These maybe offensive to some, but I laughed pretty hard on some of them. Just got it in an e-mail.

What do you call a handcuffed man?


What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Why do only 10% of men make it to heaven?

Because if they all went, it would be Hell.

Why do men like smart women?

Opposites attract.

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

How can you tell when a man is well hung?

When you can just barely slip your finger between his neck and the noose.

How do men define a "50/50" relationship?

We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.

How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

How do you get a man to stop biting his nails?

Make him wear shoes.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male?

All he's concerned with is legs, breasts, and thighs.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

ONE......He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

What did God say after creating man?

I can do so much better.

What do most men consider a gourmet restaurant?

Any place without a drive-up window.

What do you call a man with half a brain?


Why is it good that there are female astronauts?

When the crew gets lost in space, the woman will ask for directions.

What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women?

Exchange him.

What should you give a man who has everything?

A woman to show him how to work it.

What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?

Telling you his real name.

What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?

Put the remote control between his toes.

What's the difference between Big Foot and an intelligent man?

Big Foot's been spotted several times.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?

"My wife says...."

Why are all dumb blonde jokes one-liners?

So men can understand them.

Why did God create man before woman?

Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.

Why do female black widow spiders kill the males after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do jocks play on artificial turf?

To keep them from grazing.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports?

Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?

When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there
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Re: Men Jokes-TeeHee

Post by Rapsheba555 on October 16th 2009, 4:00 pm



"And thus, it is revealed that 99% of Nintendorks are closet perverts.
God I love this place."

All operators are busy, please insert more money.

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Re: Men Jokes-TeeHee

Post by Liz on October 17th 2009, 8:53 pm

I love you so much right now, Vampy! : Lol :
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Re: Men Jokes-TeeHee

Post by Poison_Ivy on December 5th 2009, 10:03 pm

*dies laughing*

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